They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
