Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
