well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
