oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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