did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
