New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
And then he peed in my hair
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