when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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