ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
