When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
