I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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