i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
