The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can I color on your dick again?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
