She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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