i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
