I love black thongs
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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