I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
