So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
