Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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