Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
