he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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