You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
