just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
