i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
