you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
