Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize