You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
