I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
