Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
