dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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