I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
