there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
