meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
