just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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