this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When did angry sex become our thing?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Please don't give away my fajitas
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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