He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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