he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
