I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
