Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just crazy horny about you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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