Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize