Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
