I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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