Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
