I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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