my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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