I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
