oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
