I'm lost and stupid without you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
