I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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