like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
