So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
