Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
