He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Liz is crying about burritos again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
