if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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