I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
