You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
