How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
