listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
