you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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