I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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