dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
