splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
