Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
