I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
