shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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