The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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