It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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