did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize