He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
