I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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