My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
