my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
