That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
